Forgiving yourself is the most important thing – don’t wait around for the other person to forgive you. Feeling guilty is one of the hardest emotions to shake off – and research shows women suffer more than men. This is because women are more focused on other people feelings. Subsequently we feel guilty about everything – from what we eat and how much money we spend, to our parenting skills and saying ‘no’ to friends. Read on to discover how to break the cycle once and for all and enjoy a guilt-free life.

Say what you want - No one will like you any less for saying no. Tell friends and family directly what you’d like from them and be firm about what you can give back.
For example, saying no when you don’t want to do something will save you that terrible feeling of guilt when you cancel at last minute. If you find begin assertive difficult, start with little things and practise.

Prioritise - The perfect mother/wife/friend does not exist. Pressure to be the best mother ever is an especially strong source of guilt. Next time you’re feeling like the worst parent in the world, sit down and think about what’s most important for you and your family. If yout priority is to make money and help pay the bills and keep a roof over your hand, then that need to be precedence over always begin available to your child. Once you’ve made your choices, stand by them, even when it’s difficult, because you know your priorities are in order.

Ditch guilt-trippers - You know who they are – these people who can leave you flooded with remorse in a moment. The best way to deal with a loaded comment, such as your mother saying ‘We never see you or the kids’ Is it to work out her true motive. Then you can either respond sympathetically or gently put her in her place.

Take responsibility for your actions - When you’ve genuinely messed up, there’s only one thing to go – say you’re sorry. When we’re in the wrong our egos often try to excuse what we did, so we can live with it more easily. For example, if we say something hurtful to our partners in temper, our ego may try to convince us it really is the other person’s fault because they pushed us to the point where we had no choice. In order to stop feeling guilty, accept that what we did or said was your choice in that moment and that you’re responsible for ir, then you can start to forgive yourself.

Stop begin our own judge and jury - Filature and success are matters of perception. Today’s failure could be tomorrow’s success (for example, if you’re sacked from your job, it could be the start of your own business) – so learn from your perceived failures. Don’t punish yourself.

Talk to yourself - Guilt is illogical and you can reason it away. Try to reinterpret your guilt in a positive way. It’s what psychologist call cognitive restructuring – changing the messages in your head so you become your own biggest advocate. By changing ‘I did three other things right today‘ you’re training your brain to block negative neutral pathways and create positions ones. Eventually, looking for the good in your behavior will become automatic and you’ll be less prone to guilt.

Move on - If you’ve done all you can to put the situation right, let go. Don’t wait around for the other person to forgive you, it’s irrelevant, forgiving yourelf is more important. You have no control over the other person if you’ve done all you can, its enough. You don’t need to suffer months of guilt. You experienced it, learnt from it and will do things differently next time.

Think like a man - Women beat themselves up more than men. Who feel guilty sometimes but dwell on it less. They take action instead and move on. So if your partner forgot to tell you he’d be home late, he buys you flowers, says sorry and assumes things are fine.
Take a note out of the male book of psychology, and next time you feel bad make amends, then forget it.

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